Journey #1 : Pre Divorce
I started my running journey in 2010 the week I found out my mother was sick. I didn't know what to do and felt so helpless being so far away. All I could do was put on shoes and run. I discovered running cleared my head and I could flush all those bad thoughts out of my head and focus on things. I could clearly think when I would talk to her, I could be brave and strong for her when she would cry to me. I felt like it was my time to be her solid rock as she had done for me for so many years. She was fighting for her life and in my mind doing something so hard I could not image what she was going thru physically and mentally. So I choose to run a marathon in her honor. This was a difficult task I trained hard ran just about every day. I was told many times by my ex husband that I was crazy to do this, what was I thinking and that I would never finish. This light a fire inside me, if my mother can face cancer and fight for her life then I ran run 26.2 miles every step of the way and finish with my head held high. And so I did. It was one of my hardest journeys that I had taken and will all the negativity that was voiced to me during my months of training I beat all those odds. I came thru victoriously and I did it all on my own.
Physically I was in the best running shape of my life, mentally it was the darkest time. Even will all the PR's, age placements, awards, medal after medal and all the distances I covered, no matter how far I ran or how hard I ran the darkness still crept in until it finally too over me. This was now my hardest journey I had to take.
Journey #3 : Post Divorce
This year marks my third full marathon. Training this year has been tough. The darkness took over me for six months and I stopped running. When I decided that darkness could no longer take me I fought back, I laced up my shoes and I began to run again. Making a come back to running has been a tough journey for me. My mind remembers where I was physically a year ago, but my body will not respond to the commands. This makes me frustrated and angry, because there is no one to blame but myself.
I have been struggling with a fracture right heal, plantar fasciitis, and a strained muscle in my back. This year physically has been the toughest running year. However, it is not the hardest journey I have had to make. This year I fully feel like I am running solely for me. I am not running for Mom, I am not running to get away from the darkness, I am not running to get away from hurtful words, I am ruining towards me.
I want to thank all of you that have supported me throughout the years.
To Jen, Mike and Allen you guys have been my fill-in family and have been there in my darkest hours but you never lost faith in me. And Mike, I will be there to see you do your first full marathon, you can do it!
To Diana by your strength you gave me strength and I am so happy to see you have found a special person in your life, we both came from similar situations and your strength gave me hope that there is life after divorce.
To Kimmy you are my forever running partner you are my person thank you for covering this journey with me thru the miles and always being there when I needed you.
Charlotte, you are my native sister and we are bonded thru it all, even after all the crap we have been thru we are the last two standing.
To Mike, thank you for always standing by my side always holding my hand always helping me see clearly when I could not see. Helping me believe in myself always encouraging to pursue my dreams and supporting them. You helped bring me back, you have been my rock.
And mostly to my Mom, Dad, Nick and Carmen (my mija) without you I don't think I could have taken the bull by the horns and come out victoriously you were always first in line when I felt so lost. You let me figure it out on my own, you stood aside when I said I needed to do this on my own and make my journey. Even though you offered your hands to try and pull me out, thank you but I had to do it alone and I did and I am so much stronger, but I really couldn't have done it with out you standing on the sidelines just in case.
All of you have special places in my heart and will forever be there. Thank you. And next weekend I will run for me, for the new found freedom, new view on life, new since of self and mostly because I can and I will finish that race all the miles all the good ones and tough ones step by step one foot in front or the other....
"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"