One foot in front or the other

As I sit here in bed one week before my third marathon I am reflecting on my journeys in life. I can distinctively break them down into three parts, pre divorce, divorce and post divorce.

Journey #1 : Pre Divorce

I started my running journey in 2010 the week I found out my mother was sick. I didn't know what to do and felt so helpless being so far away. All I could do was put on shoes and run. I discovered running cleared my head and I could flush all those bad thoughts out of my head and focus on things. I could clearly think when I would talk to her, I could be brave and strong for her when she would cry to me. I felt like it was my time to be her solid rock as she had done for me for so many years. She was fighting for her life and in my mind doing something so hard I could not image what she was going thru physically and mentally. So I choose to run a marathon in her honor. This was a difficult task I trained hard ran just about every day. I was told many times by my ex husband that I was crazy to do this, what was I thinking and that I would never finish.  This light a fire inside me, if my mother can face cancer and fight for her life then I ran run 26.2 miles every step of the way and finish with my head held high. And so I did. It was one of my hardest journeys that I had taken and will all the negativity that was voiced to me during my months of training I beat all those odds. I came thru victoriously  and I did it all on my own.

This medal represents journey number one in my life.  To me this says no matter what people say to you no matter how you feel, if you believe and fight for yourself you can do anything you set your mind to. It may not be an easy path and there may be times you want to throw in your towel and call it quits but if you keep your head held high and fight for what you want, you will finish and you will come out victoriously. This is journey number one.

  

Journey #2: Divorce
 



Marathon number two  represents the time in my life during my divorce.  Not only was this the highlight of my running career is was also was the blackest and darkest time. I keeping running and ran harder than I had ever done. I ran from the tears, anger, betrayal, the physical and emotional actions, I ran to free myself of a world of hurt. Running gave me freedom a second belief that I am better than words say I am.

Physically I was in the best running shape of my life, mentally it was the darkest time. Even will all the PR's, age placements, awards, medal after medal and all the distances I covered, no matter how far I ran or how hard I ran the darkness still crept in until it finally too over me. This was now my hardest journey I had to take.

I battled with the dark daemons that crept into my life and took away my running. The darkness wanted me to give up and give into their commands, and I thought about taking the easy way out and not fighting for my life and realizing this is all life has to offer, nothing better nothing worse, this is it and accept it, to turn around and go back to the life I had, but somehow I found strength from somewhere deep inside me and to keep moving forward. I have no clue how I kept moving forward but I did. I fought for my freedom and I fought for my life.

 

This medal represents no matter how hard my journey was I dug deep down inside and found an inner strength I did not know I had. I kept placing one foot in front of the other one by one and kept moving forward. No matter how slow or how fast I was, I was still moving forward, never looking back. Eventually I came to the light at the end of the tunnel and I felt changed and look at the world with a fresh pair of eyes and now know that I can never be hurt or taken over again.

Journey #3 : Post Divorce

This year marks my third full marathon.  Training this year has been tough. The darkness took over me for six months and I stopped running. When I decided that darkness could no longer take me I fought back, I laced up my shoes and I began to run again. Making a come back to running has been a tough journey  for me. My mind remembers where I was physically a year ago, but my body will not respond to the commands. This makes me frustrated and angry, because there is no one to blame but myself.

I have been struggling with a fracture right heal, plantar fasciitis, and a strained muscle in my back. This year physically has been the toughest running year. However, it is not the hardest journey I have had to make. This year I fully feel like I am running solely for me. I am not running for Mom, I am not running to get away from the darkness, I am not running to get away from hurtful words, I am ruining towards me.

This medal will represents the me I have become, the me I knew I could be. Sure I could have taken the easy way out, there were countless opportunities, but I needed to stay put I needed to face the hurt, I needed to go thru hell and back so I could be a better and stronger person. Now, I know that I may not make the time I got last year, but I was running away from a lot of problems. I know I can cover the distance and I know it will be painful, but I know this is not the toughest journey I will take, I know that I am strong enough to do this and no matter how much physical pain will be endured I know that the moment I cross the finish line I know I will have made it.








I want to thank all of you that have supported me throughout the years.

To Jen, Mike and Allen you guys have been my fill-in family and have been there in my darkest hours but you never lost faith in me. And Mike, I will be there to see you do your first full marathon, you can do it!

To Diana by your strength you gave me strength and I am so happy to see you have found a special person in your life, we both came from similar situations and your strength gave me hope that there is life after divorce.

To Kimmy you are my forever running partner you are my person thank you for covering this journey with me thru the miles and always being there when I needed you. 

Charlotte, you are my native sister and we are bonded thru it all, even after all the crap we have been thru we are the last two standing.

To Mike, thank you for always standing by my side always holding my hand always helping me see clearly when I could not see. Helping me believe in myself always encouraging to pursue my dreams and supporting them. You helped bring me back, you have been my rock.

And mostly to my Mom, Dad, Nick and Carmen (my mija) without you I don't think I could have taken the bull by the horns and come out victoriously you were always first in line when I felt so lost. You let me figure it out on my own, you stood aside when I said I needed to do this on my own and make my journey.  Even though you offered your hands to try and pull me out, thank you but I had to do it alone and I did and I am so much stronger, but I really couldn't have done it with out you standing on the sidelines just in case.

All of you have special places in my heart and will forever be there. Thank you. And next weekend I will run for me,  for the new found freedom, new view on life, new since of self  and mostly because I can and I will finish that race all the miles all the good ones and tough ones step by step one foot in front or the other.... 


"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

Fall Series #1

North Monument Valley Park 3.5 Mile
Fall Series #1

I woke up Sunday morning still in pain from the pulled muscle in my back. I really did think I would not be able to run, since running the day before caused me some serious pain! I was really worried with only two weeks left till the marathon I can not have any injuries. I have come so far I can't back down now.

Walking around the house for a few hours, I thought I could loosen her up. I stood in the shower and let the hot water beat on my back, took a few aspirin and stretched as much as I could.

I played it by ear all the way to the start. As I got near the start I spotted my teammates and the pain got put to the back of my mind. I felt like I could not let my girls down, so I sucked it up. But the little voice in my head was screaming at me, "What are you doing, you know this is a bad idea you could really injure yourself further."

I mentioned my teammates,tThis year I joined a team known as DFL's. We say it means Dam Fine Ladies, but any other acronym will be just fine too.

Example: Dead Flippin' Last, Don't Forget Liquor, Don't F*%# Looser...ect

I wasn't going out for a good time I just wanted to finish in one piece and not in pain. So I just jogged slowly and talked with Kimmy. I really miss having her as my running partner, but put us back together and you'd swear no time has passed.

This race you get the lovely opportunity to run up Monument Valley Creek for half a mile. With all the rain Colorado has gotten the water was icy cold and smelled really bad. I really hate this part of the series. I will do the hills I will face the cold, but I really dislike running in the water!

Overall I am okay with my performance all things considered. I felt strong on the hills and I didn't walk except in the water. I think I could put out better times if we didn't have to do the water.

I will miss the second run since I will be in Denver for the Rock -n- Roll Marathon. Yep here I go again.

Time: 0:57:02
Age Place: 40/44
Gender Place: 144/373
Overall: 345/375


"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"