The Memory of Being Fat

I read an interesting article in my February Runners Magazine.

It is titled "A Thin Line"

http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-243-297-519-13846-0,00.html

I liked this article because it strikes home for me. Like the person of interest in this article, I struggled with the "new me". Physically I have changed, but I struggle with the mental image I see in mirrors. I feel like if I twist and turn just right I will see myself the way others see me. Mentally I am still "thunder thighs". I still see the size 10 girl who was unhappy and unsure of herself.

Even though I have broken the 9 1/2 minute mile barrier, conquered the Incline, and can out run my husband, I still feel like the frumpy girl. In the article the author writes,

"It's not about being fat. I know people of all shapes and sense of self is blessedly untethered for their weight. It's about the terror of what we might become is we allow ourselves to let go, to get weak, to slow down. I run now for a lot of reason for fitness and for times and for friendship and for the sheer pleasure of motion. But deep inside I know I'm also running because with every step, I'm leaving Plumpkin further behind. "

When starting this journey, I said I would not obsess about my weight, but now that I can fit back into my clothes I am scared to return to that size and unhappiness. I should feel good in my own skin regardless of what size I am, however underneath it all I still have the insecurities.