One foot in front or the other

As I sit here in bed one week before my third marathon I am reflecting on my journeys in life. I can distinctively break them down into three parts, pre divorce, divorce and post divorce.

Journey #1 : Pre Divorce

I started my running journey in 2010 the week I found out my mother was sick. I didn't know what to do and felt so helpless being so far away. All I could do was put on shoes and run. I discovered running cleared my head and I could flush all those bad thoughts out of my head and focus on things. I could clearly think when I would talk to her, I could be brave and strong for her when she would cry to me. I felt like it was my time to be her solid rock as she had done for me for so many years. She was fighting for her life and in my mind doing something so hard I could not image what she was going thru physically and mentally. So I choose to run a marathon in her honor. This was a difficult task I trained hard ran just about every day. I was told many times by my ex husband that I was crazy to do this, what was I thinking and that I would never finish.  This light a fire inside me, if my mother can face cancer and fight for her life then I ran run 26.2 miles every step of the way and finish with my head held high. And so I did. It was one of my hardest journeys that I had taken and will all the negativity that was voiced to me during my months of training I beat all those odds. I came thru victoriously  and I did it all on my own.

This medal represents journey number one in my life.  To me this says no matter what people say to you no matter how you feel, if you believe and fight for yourself you can do anything you set your mind to. It may not be an easy path and there may be times you want to throw in your towel and call it quits but if you keep your head held high and fight for what you want, you will finish and you will come out victoriously. This is journey number one.

  

Journey #2: Divorce
 



Marathon number two  represents the time in my life during my divorce.  Not only was this the highlight of my running career is was also was the blackest and darkest time. I keeping running and ran harder than I had ever done. I ran from the tears, anger, betrayal, the physical and emotional actions, I ran to free myself of a world of hurt. Running gave me freedom a second belief that I am better than words say I am.

Physically I was in the best running shape of my life, mentally it was the darkest time. Even will all the PR's, age placements, awards, medal after medal and all the distances I covered, no matter how far I ran or how hard I ran the darkness still crept in until it finally too over me. This was now my hardest journey I had to take.

I battled with the dark daemons that crept into my life and took away my running. The darkness wanted me to give up and give into their commands, and I thought about taking the easy way out and not fighting for my life and realizing this is all life has to offer, nothing better nothing worse, this is it and accept it, to turn around and go back to the life I had, but somehow I found strength from somewhere deep inside me and to keep moving forward. I have no clue how I kept moving forward but I did. I fought for my freedom and I fought for my life.

 

This medal represents no matter how hard my journey was I dug deep down inside and found an inner strength I did not know I had. I kept placing one foot in front of the other one by one and kept moving forward. No matter how slow or how fast I was, I was still moving forward, never looking back. Eventually I came to the light at the end of the tunnel and I felt changed and look at the world with a fresh pair of eyes and now know that I can never be hurt or taken over again.

Journey #3 : Post Divorce

This year marks my third full marathon.  Training this year has been tough. The darkness took over me for six months and I stopped running. When I decided that darkness could no longer take me I fought back, I laced up my shoes and I began to run again. Making a come back to running has been a tough journey  for me. My mind remembers where I was physically a year ago, but my body will not respond to the commands. This makes me frustrated and angry, because there is no one to blame but myself.

I have been struggling with a fracture right heal, plantar fasciitis, and a strained muscle in my back. This year physically has been the toughest running year. However, it is not the hardest journey I have had to make. This year I fully feel like I am running solely for me. I am not running for Mom, I am not running to get away from the darkness, I am not running to get away from hurtful words, I am ruining towards me.

This medal will represents the me I have become, the me I knew I could be. Sure I could have taken the easy way out, there were countless opportunities, but I needed to stay put I needed to face the hurt, I needed to go thru hell and back so I could be a better and stronger person. Now, I know that I may not make the time I got last year, but I was running away from a lot of problems. I know I can cover the distance and I know it will be painful, but I know this is not the toughest journey I will take, I know that I am strong enough to do this and no matter how much physical pain will be endured I know that the moment I cross the finish line I know I will have made it.








I want to thank all of you that have supported me throughout the years.

To Jen, Mike and Allen you guys have been my fill-in family and have been there in my darkest hours but you never lost faith in me. And Mike, I will be there to see you do your first full marathon, you can do it!

To Diana by your strength you gave me strength and I am so happy to see you have found a special person in your life, we both came from similar situations and your strength gave me hope that there is life after divorce.

To Kimmy you are my forever running partner you are my person thank you for covering this journey with me thru the miles and always being there when I needed you. 

Charlotte, you are my native sister and we are bonded thru it all, even after all the crap we have been thru we are the last two standing.

To Mike, thank you for always standing by my side always holding my hand always helping me see clearly when I could not see. Helping me believe in myself always encouraging to pursue my dreams and supporting them. You helped bring me back, you have been my rock.

And mostly to my Mom, Dad, Nick and Carmen (my mija) without you I don't think I could have taken the bull by the horns and come out victoriously you were always first in line when I felt so lost. You let me figure it out on my own, you stood aside when I said I needed to do this on my own and make my journey.  Even though you offered your hands to try and pull me out, thank you but I had to do it alone and I did and I am so much stronger, but I really couldn't have done it with out you standing on the sidelines just in case.

All of you have special places in my heart and will forever be there. Thank you. And next weekend I will run for me,  for the new found freedom, new view on life, new since of self  and mostly because I can and I will finish that race all the miles all the good ones and tough ones step by step one foot in front or the other.... 


"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

Fall Series #1

North Monument Valley Park 3.5 Mile
Fall Series #1

I woke up Sunday morning still in pain from the pulled muscle in my back. I really did think I would not be able to run, since running the day before caused me some serious pain! I was really worried with only two weeks left till the marathon I can not have any injuries. I have come so far I can't back down now.

Walking around the house for a few hours, I thought I could loosen her up. I stood in the shower and let the hot water beat on my back, took a few aspirin and stretched as much as I could.

I played it by ear all the way to the start. As I got near the start I spotted my teammates and the pain got put to the back of my mind. I felt like I could not let my girls down, so I sucked it up. But the little voice in my head was screaming at me, "What are you doing, you know this is a bad idea you could really injure yourself further."

I mentioned my teammates,tThis year I joined a team known as DFL's. We say it means Dam Fine Ladies, but any other acronym will be just fine too.

Example: Dead Flippin' Last, Don't Forget Liquor, Don't F*%# Looser...ect

I wasn't going out for a good time I just wanted to finish in one piece and not in pain. So I just jogged slowly and talked with Kimmy. I really miss having her as my running partner, but put us back together and you'd swear no time has passed.

This race you get the lovely opportunity to run up Monument Valley Creek for half a mile. With all the rain Colorado has gotten the water was icy cold and smelled really bad. I really hate this part of the series. I will do the hills I will face the cold, but I really dislike running in the water!

Overall I am okay with my performance all things considered. I felt strong on the hills and I didn't walk except in the water. I think I could put out better times if we didn't have to do the water.

I will miss the second run since I will be in Denver for the Rock -n- Roll Marathon. Yep here I go again.

Time: 0:57:02
Age Place: 40/44
Gender Place: 144/373
Overall: 345/375


"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

Panoramic 4 Mile

Summer Series Run #2 of 5
Saturday June 22, 2013
Bear Creek Park East

This run is all trail with a few hill climbs. I started off good and liked my stride, I had forgotten that this was a down hill start and the pack too hold of me and I let it lead me out to fast. As soon as we rounded out of the trees and into the open dirt hills, I felt like I was baking, even at 8am in the morning. One thing I don't like about this run is that you can see all the faster runners way out yonder and it lets you know how far you need to go. I don't like to see that far a head.

I came back to defend my third place age group title, and I honestly didn't think I could do it, so I focused on my stride and technique. I focused on picking up my legs and keeping my arms relaxed. I was really slow and when the first hill came up I remembered what I had been reading about hill training. Look up, keep posture upright, keep arms relaxed, stay on your forefront of the foot and take smaller steps. When you get to the top push thru your steps harder to crest the hill and then ride it down. I haven't figured out what "lean into the hill" means, If your supposed to keep your posture upright, how do you "lean into the hill"?

Then, after that hill you loop around and do it again. I hadn't been thru a water stop yet so I was glad I carried my own water, it was bloody hot! The second time around that hill was tougher and I walked up it. Honestly walking was tougher than running it.

The final hill really kicks your ars! It has an incline of 200 feet in a quarter mile. Lets just say I really don't like Beacon Hill.

I started to get really hot and I did not have much juice left in my body, but I pushed out what I had left. I kept telling myself that I can do it and I need to push and try as had as I can.

I finished third place....out of three in my are group. I don't feel that proud of my time or finish because I know I could have done better, I over worked myself up for this run.

I ran this race last year and was the last "real" run I had, so for me this felt slightly disappointing. I remember where I was and where I am. I am really disappointed that my body will not do what my mind tells it to do. I have to remind myself I went thru life changing events and I am finding my way back to a better and smarter runner. I only gained 1 minute on my time from last year, but I just remember feeling so much better than I did this year.

I have another run scheduled for Saturday the 29th. I am thinking of giving my toes shoes a spin if my legs will have it.

"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

10 Weird Running Things I Do

It is very true just like any other sport or hobby you develop a set of traditions or superstitions about how if you do this one thing, you will be that much better. I know that I am guilty of these here are some of the things I do:

1. Pin your running bib on your shirt and lay out your whole outfit in the order you are to put it on the night before just to have a few extra minutes of sleep.
2. Always have the same race day breakfast regardless if it is a 5K or Marathon, because you don't want to get cramps.
3. Check you GPS watch constantly when your running because you feel like you have gone further and feel faster than you are.
4. Hold your GPS watch out to the sky because it will sync faster that way.
5. Whenever you travel anywhere you must pack your favorite running shoes and watch but wear them instead thru the security check point, because just in case they loose your luggage you have your favorite running shoes and watch.
6. Plan your vacation and then scout the net for the nearest run in the area.
7. Can not pass thru Target with out at least walking thru the running stuff even though you went there to pick up your medication on the other side of the store.
8. Religiously check your mail box once or twice a day near the first of the month hopping that the new edition of Runner's World has shown up and only check your mail once a week after that because there's nothing else interesting in your mail box.
9. When you see someone get on the treadmill next to you, you must keep running until they get off their treadmill just to out run them even though you've already finished your millage for the day.
10. When you buy new running clothes, you think about how can I wear this with my everyday work clothes.

"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

Women’s Distance Festival - 5K

Some of you may know that I took time away from my running.  I had some major changes in life that kept me from my running. I am working hard to make my come back and with each day it gets a little easier and I get stronger.

Saturday the 18^th was the Women’s Distance Festival.  There were a few reason's I choose this run:

 

# 1.   It was cheap….$15

# 2.   All the proceeds went to help “Girls on the Run of the Rockies”, an organization that teaches healthful living and empowers girls 8 to 13.

# 3.   Did I mention the medal?

# 4.   I needed to see what I could do

# 5.   I signed up when I had endorphins rushing to keep me motivated

# 6.   Did I forget to mention the medal?

 It was a gorgeous morning and I felt like it was a good day for a run! I started out the run in a nice comfortable 10 minute pace and I thought okay, if I keep this up I can hit my goal. I tried to tune into my music and just run let the road carry me along.  

As you can see at the start I am really feeling good:

 

From my time you can guess it, hills! There were four inclines, which normally are not bad but I lost my umph on them. I blew thru the first water check. After I hit 1.5 I wanted water there would be another one at 2. I can tell that I had not hydrated enough for a warm day and I got that dam cotton mouth! ICK! Between 2 and 3 the wheels started to come off. I really lost my momentum and knew I started out too fast. I got frustrated because I remember where I was last year and where I am now….starting over is really hard to do.

 I got irritated when the younger boys that had finished already where cheering us along. I just looked at them and scoffed to myself. I could be your mother! This just sucks. I know they are really trying to encourage all the participants and it really was for a good cause, but I got mad at myself because I know I could do better.

When I got the medal placed around my neck, I remembered something someone had once said it me and it made me feel a little better,

 “No one ever gave me a medal for being a good sister, daughter, wife or mother. When I get a medal placed around my neck after I finish a race it tells me look at what you did, you did this yourself and you did an amazing job, congratulations”

Usually, after a race I get something to eat and I walk around and wear my medal proudly.  I like to wear it as long as I can that day. People as you about it and you hear things like, wow that is really neat, wow I don’t think I can do that, wow you’re crazy! Okay, that last one is usually only comes from family and friends and they usually say things like wow you did a 5K how long did it take you to run that marathon?

 

I am doing my best to look at this run as a starting place.  We all have to start somewhere right? I have my base line to start with and I can only go up from here. I just have to keep moving on foot in front of the other and repeat.

"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

Day 17 Updates

I have had a little case of what we would call "the writer's block". You have to say that with the accent Adam Sandler uses in Waterboy.

I have stayed on the wagon of no fast foods and only good foods in. I thought it would be a little tough, but I am finding how easy it is to make different fishes. The hard part for me is I hate the taste of fish, but I really like fish. I am not much of a meat eater I don't eat red meat, pork and most chicken. Although some thoughts of cutting into a chicken breast makes my skin crawl! I would not call myself a true vegetarian anymore but meat still grosses me out. Although, bacon totally needs it's own category.

Saturday the 4th was run #1 for the Pikes Peak Road Runner's Summer Series. I ran slow, but I am just trying to finish all the runs, placing will come later. I need to get this back in to my life style, before I go for bigger. My handicap time was 18:30 placing me 92nd, my actual time was 23:49. Can all races have a handicap time? This run is run ever first Saturday of the month, so I can monitor my times. In the prime I was at 18 without my handicap so it gives me something to work towards.

More updates: I have worked out every day since April 22nd. Some days were a little tough but I pushed thru the thoughts of I will do this later and just did it. I am down 4lbs and have just 8 more to go before I am back to my running weight. I gave myself till Memorial to get to as close as I can to my running weight. Those that don't run don't understand how much harder it is to run with the extra LB's on you.

So folks, I am on the right track and I will keep you updated on my progress.....I'm on my way back!



"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

30 Day Challenge to Myself

Okay, so as some of you know I have not been around much and took a running hiatus. I had some life altering changes happen in my life and I fell in love with my couch, sleep and food. I have been looking for something to kick my ars back into it my skinny pants!

Now I know I will not be able to jump back into things right away and I will have to work myself back. But I believe that I am coming back and I will come back better and stronger!

I saw this on FB yesterday and I though that this could be a good starter. But I know myself and I will take it up a notch!

 Thoughts: 30 days does not seem THAT long. Let's add one more thing. No fast foods only healthy things in the body for 30 days. NOW were talking!

To keep me focused I will blog for the next 30 days with my progress and lets see how I do. I really want to return as a better stronger runner so let's get my ars going! Starting today!


"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"

Life is like Running

Today I spent some time reading thru my blog from start to finish.  I wanted to remind my body and mind why running is important phyically as well as mentally, how far I have come, and mostly the joy it gives me.

As I read thru each post one by one, I remembered how scared I was with each new venture I came to, but I made it thru each one and move on to the next venture and the next and the next. I feel running is like life, you start the race feeling excited, nervous and may even have to pee a little.

The national anthem is sung and you feel a since of encouragement and reminded why you set out for this journey. As you make you way to the start with the mobs of people you zone in on yourself and move forward, unsure but somewhat aware of how tough it could be, but you move forward one foot in front of the other slowly and steadily, as you think to yourself,

"Breath in...breath out...left foot....right foot...head up...loose arms and look forward"

The first few steps you tell yourself, this is no problem, I have trained for this, I can do this. You want to shout:

"HEY!!! HEY YOU!!...look at me! Look at what I am doing! I am running this race and I am doing it all on my own, no one can stop me now"

Along the side lines family, friends and strangers are cheering you on! You feel so proud of yourself, you feel belief and in that moment no one can tell you different.

You get half way thru the race and the rush of endorphins are starting to wear off.  The reality of what you are doing has come to full light. You may start to doubt yourself, wonder why you are doing this, wonder if you can do this, you may even think about taking the easy way out. Some how some where deep inside you, the strength finds you and keeps you moving forward, slow and steady one foot inform of the other and concentrating on yousrself. Family, friends and strangers are still on the sidelines cheering you on encouraging you to stay focused and keep moving, but no matter what they say or show there is no way they could know how or what you are feeling so you tune them out and keep going, focusing only on getting to the one thing you set out for....to finish what you started.

Just before you reach the end of the race, another wave of endorphins hits you. Suddenly it's like the clouds have lifted and you can picture the finish line.  You know that sign is just minutes away and you think about how far you have come and how little there is left to go. You push forward with a new found strength.

Just as you have use every ounce of strength that you have the finish sign comes into view. With each step your feet feel like it has a brick attached to it. In your mind you feel like your foot it 6" off the ground but in reality it's only a shuffle, but you keep going, the family, friend ans strangers that have  been cheering you on are louder and stronger than ever.  They can see you are beat up, tired and have not strength left so they cheer you on louder and louder hopping that their strength will carry you to the finish line.

As you cross the finish line a wave of emotions come over you. You feel so happy and relieved that you made it this far and you did it all the hard work on your own. Some may cry, some may fall to the ground out of shear and utter exertion, some may have family, friends or strangers rush to your side and hug you congratulating you on your journey.

The medal is placed around your neck and you feel so proud. It is a symbol of how hard you worked to get to where you are. You make sacrifices, you put things on hold and you have changed as a person along the way.

Running is like life, you may have hard times, you may fall down, but you get up and you may doubt yourself; but if you keep pushing forward one foot in front of the other slow and steady, keeping your sights on the horizon you will finish what you set out to do.



"I run in the snow, rain, wind and heat. I run until I cannot run anymore then I run some more. I run thru the blur of tears, the aches and pains and then I keep going. I have more running clothes than some running stores, I know Fartklet does not mean like it sounds. I go to bed at 9pm; I get up early just to do it all over again. Why do I do this? Because I am a runner and that's who I am"